New Life

Since it has been almost a year since my last post i thought it only appropriate to give the most recent update on how things have been going. Last March i made the decision to move my life to Austin. Knowing only Brandon in the process... Talk about nerve wrecking!!! But when you know, you know. Though many didn't support my decision to move *cough*My family*cough* i understand their reasons entirely. Brandon and i had not even been dating a year and our of no where i decide to move close to him where i know no one else?!?! i know... However; while the world screamed DUH!!! My heart screamed something entirely different. If there is one thing I have learned throughout my life its quite simply: "Its your life. No one else's." Quite a controversial statement i've learned. But true. And no matter how many people tell you their advice and then follow it with "But... Its your decision!" 99% of the time they don't want you to make your decision... They want you to choose the advice they give you for their own prides sake. Hints why the majority of the people who were once in my life before i started dating Brandon, are no longer in my life. Unfortunate; but its my reality. I will admit. This past year has been the hardest year of my life. I've lost the most relationships with people I thought cared about me. Was betrayed by people who promised they would be there... and others whom i assumed would be there and weren't. This year has also revealed something so beautiful and unfailing. And thats that through all the lectures, judgement and tears GOD has always been by my side. Even when he was the last one i went to. I've also seen how beautiful love is and how strong and pure it can be. While the majority of the people i trusted began gossiping(thinking i didnt know they were) and turning their back on me; Brandon willingly endured the brunt of it. Being called the most horrendous names and dealing with mistreatment beyond description. Daily he chose to walk through that storm with me holding my hand with a strong grip. He encouraged me(and still encourages me) to seek GOD out and to trust him through everything. He never said a bad thing about anyone who judged him. Which was almost everyone. And to this day he still treats me like a queen. Offering me all his heart and more. So i would say last year was the best thing thats ever happened to me. Making my own decisions has been so rewarding. I am so strong because of it. So while it sounds like a bitter cry for apologies... I dont mean it to be. Rather, i hope its an encouragement to anyone going through a similar situation as i went through to no matter what follow your heart. Make your own decision. Above all, stick with GOD. Because even if it means losing everyone you thought would always love you despite what they do and do not agree with; GODs plan is always bigger, better and more rewarding in the end than playing it safe. If you read my story thank you. And i pray that GOD will bless you wherever you are.

Love... day 1

What does it mean that GOD is Love?

Love defined-"a profound tender, passionate affection for another person." "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection" "sexual passion or desire"

I don't believe these definitions are adequate for if GOD himself cannot be defined because he is to powerful and mighty then I am convinced that love cannot be defined either. Its a simple equation.

Sent his son to die for me=GOD=Love how can any man define this?!

What does it mean to put your trust in GOD?

To fully surrender to his command. Since he is love; and to trust is to surrender doubt; then by our living in surrender to GOD we are trusting his judgement and path for our lives more than we are trusting our own hands and feet, in providing and guiding ourselves. Therefore I am convinced that the only way to understand GOD=Love is to surrender all control into his hands.

How to do this?
Don't yet know.

Being my own me

For the first time in my whole life I'm making decisions for me. Not to please the people around me but doing what I believe is the best for me. I've realized ive determined the truth in the past as what I'd been raised to believe is right and wrong and what I've heard in church. After reading a new book by frances chan called Forgotten GOD I've been convicted on how I should discover for myself what and why i believe what I believe. In the course of the past 6 months I've said goodbye to everything that was and have found myself making a completely new beginning to my life. I left my church am preparing to leave a city I've lived for almost 9 years. I'm saying goodbye to being comfortable. I have new hair, a new church, a new home and am working on new friendships. So much change is upon me and if I'm honest im intimidated but excited because of the adventure lurking at every corner. I love all of this change and I know that the LORD is going to guide me as i go against life's challenges.

I am so excited to grow. I am convinced the LORD will reveal himself to me in a way I've never seen before. My desire is to grow closer to him. Ready. Set. Go!

Valentines Day

This year was the first year i was able to Be a Valentine and HAVE a Valentine :) It was perfect! Brandon was able to come down to SAtown to celebrate my brothers Birthday with my family. When i met to pick him up and get the night going we spent some time alone and exchanged gifts. Lemme tell you... i have the sweetest most thoughtful boiii! Ive had these plain white shoes that ive been wanting my extremely talented boii to fancy up with his drawin skills and just when i thought he had forgotten and just decided not to do it... He surprised me with my newly improved swagged out awesome shoes!!! I LOVE THEM! :)

I love it most when i get things that people took time out of their day to make for me. I would much rather have a hand drawn picture made with crayons than a 5000 dollar material item that will eventually either go out of style, break, not fit, or GOD forbid i lose it! (ive been known to misplace a thing or two) I always feel so loved when people make things for me.

So it meant SOOOO much to me that he took the time out of his busy schedule to think of me. He will forever be my Valentine :)

I love you Brandon Chenoweth; though lately he has been known as Valentine. i guess i just cant get over the fact that the LORD has blessed me with my very own Valentine!!!!! :) I will never forget it; and it seems so silly. But for someone who has been thinking and praying for and loving a mysterious man that would one day be my husband that ive never met or seen its a BIG deal for me to have a Valentine that i hope and pray and dream of marrying. Hes perfect... And hes mine... So back off my single ladies <3 trust me... youre time WILL come!

Love your enemy

““You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:43-45

Been thinking a lot about past events and disagreements with others that have led to them seriously disliking me. This verse was very insightful for me today. As i ponder how others have a strong negative view of me; ive realized that though i know i am defined not by their words but by GODs i also recognize that pulling the "Good thing GOD loves you so i dont have to" card isnt how i am called; nor how i will respond.

So Bloggers... I hereby declare i will love those people... Because thats what Jesus would do. :)

In other news... I believe i have found an apartment! It is beautiful and wonderful and CHEAP!!! :) Its close to Brandon which is a plus. Close to 7 Starbucks... Which is also a plus. Close to the school i would go to if i get scholarships. Pretty much a win win win in my book :) Please pray with me that a 1 bedroom becomes available by March 2nd. That is the earliest possible date for April. Sooooo... I am trusting GOD. :) Well i hope everyones weeks are going great. I bid the farewell!

Terra!!!!

Finally going up north to visit my favorite lady in the world! Love my second family :) can't wait!

Dear GOD

Fill me with Joy you alone can provide. allow me to fully grasp and soak in your peace that I may live in harmony with you in my heart. Help me trust you better. Help me be better at reading studying understanding remembering and applying your word. Help me be an example. May your name be glorified. In my life at home at work with family with friends with Brandon. Help me remember I am loved. Help me to love you more and notice all you've done. Open my eyes that I may see your gorgeous works. Remove the fear from my heart and mind. Remind me I am protected.

Forgive me for all my trespasses. Forgive me from my distrust in you. Forgive me for sometimes forgetting you and all you've done.

I love you and long to love you more LORD.

Amen