Positively Lovely

2011 is in its 2nd Month! Wow how fast this new year has already been going by. At the beginning of the year i took a 30 Day challenge with KLOVE radio and listened to ONLY christian music for a whole month. During that month i went through major music mood swings, i loved that station and then i hated it. Sometimes i just turned my radio off because i didnt want to hear the same song again. Then other times i was super encouraged by the stories, and i loved how people shared their life stories on the radio. And after about 2 weeks i was addicted! I looked forward to hearing all the great stories about how GOD Wowed people. And hearing the testimonies of how GOD worked in all these peoples lives. I also had a chance to challenge myself in a new way this year. What KLOVE has been doing for the past couple years is that by the end of January you pick a word for yourself that you want to live by for that year. Well i had no idea they did that until this year so i accepted the challenge.

And my word is

POSITIVE

So far its been good. I have been trying hard to find the good in every situation and though i know that 2011 is just beginning; and there will be many trials that fall on my path. I am looking forward to beating negativity and becoming a more positive person :)

Growin up

This past tuesday is 3 weeks of living on my own. So far it has been FANTASTIC! Ive loved most every minute. It has opened the door to a lot more responsibility and stuff like that. I have learned a little about myself but i look forward to all the other lessons that are going to come my way. Life has been CRAZY lately though, i have something every single day of the week which makes of a lot of exhaustion, but at least im never bored. :)

Starbucks has been fantastic. Everyday i can see myself getting better at it. Though i have not mastered that job by any means i feel less like an idiot and more like i kinda have an idea how to successfully do my job! I also love my co-workers. I work with some awesome peeps! :)

Derek and Amber are Engaged!!!!! So wedding planning here i come :) Of course Lauren and Jonathan are engaged too and both of their weddings are this fall, so i have a lot of showers to plan, gifts to buy, Appointments to make, pictures to take and everything else that comes with weddings! But i am loving every minute of it... And i am totally using this as a learning experience for what NOT to do and what TO do for my wedding :) Yayyyyy!!! I am so grateful for the amazing future sister in law that GOD has blessed me with. She is also a great room mate and we have gotten a lot closer in these past 3 weeks! We spend lots of time together... lots of time... i mean a lot. Like tons.

The kiddos leaving was hard, especially since it happened right after i left home so it was kind of a shock for a bit but like everything else in my life GOD brought me through it and i am a lot stronger and better off because of it. Though i miss them a lot and think of them every single day i know that GOD has them in his hands and they are safe and deeply loved! So that gives me peace.

Overall life has definitely improved! It really is amazing how much a person changes with added responsibility.

Im lovin every minute of this journey :)

End of a Story and the beginning of lots of tears!

The kiddos left today. I have to admit this morning i forgot that they were leaving today. I moved out into my own place Feb 1st and took a second Job as a Starbucks Barista. So a long with the crazy busy schedule of juggling 2 jobs as well as a social life i have had little time for rest and a lot of running errands and taking care of my responsibilities as an adult. Weird... I am considered a legit adult now. Anyways, i had the opening shift this morning at the good ol' coffee shop, My babies left forever at 9:30, my shift was until 11... Therefore i knew that i wasnt going to be there so we had a goodbye dinner last night at Red Robin. Got the kiddos Ice Cream and i took about 10 minutes kissing and holding them tightly, just cherishing every second of our final moments together. Thankfully i praised GOD for at least being able to say goodbye. Then today came... After the busy morning and most of the exhaustion left my body i remembered... I called my mom and she explained the morning to me in between sobs. She was so great with them. Though she will never admit that; i saw the love and grace she poured out upon those angels with my own eyes. I will never forget the sacrifices she made for them. She gave up so much to love and raise those babies that should never have left their birth mother in the first place. I hope that someday i can be 1/2 the mother that my mom was to them. I learned a great deal from her! What an amazing woman; i have been blessed! It didnt hit me until about 11:15 after talking to my mom. When i realized i was never going to see my little Jazzy again. I was never going to hear her call my name (Bernie as she would say). I was never going to see Ariel wabble over to me only as fast as a 1 year old can walk. I would never feel her squeeze my neck when i picked her up. And i would never get to listen to Clifford stumble through his books or ask ridiculous questions about things that dont matter or hear him laugh. Its the little things that i am going to miss the most. I have their smiles implanted in my head. I cant get their giggles or voices out of my head. My heart is breaking.

But i wont lose hope. I know that this is the time to be praising GOD for the amazing moments and memories that i will never forget. The experience of a lifetime to watch those kids grow. I should be thanking him for being so merciful to my family and to those kids!

It still doesnt make saying goodbye any easier! Please pray for my family! Pray for the kids.