End of a Story and the beginning of lots of tears!

The kiddos left today. I have to admit this morning i forgot that they were leaving today. I moved out into my own place Feb 1st and took a second Job as a Starbucks Barista. So a long with the crazy busy schedule of juggling 2 jobs as well as a social life i have had little time for rest and a lot of running errands and taking care of my responsibilities as an adult. Weird... I am considered a legit adult now. Anyways, i had the opening shift this morning at the good ol' coffee shop, My babies left forever at 9:30, my shift was until 11... Therefore i knew that i wasnt going to be there so we had a goodbye dinner last night at Red Robin. Got the kiddos Ice Cream and i took about 10 minutes kissing and holding them tightly, just cherishing every second of our final moments together. Thankfully i praised GOD for at least being able to say goodbye. Then today came... After the busy morning and most of the exhaustion left my body i remembered... I called my mom and she explained the morning to me in between sobs. She was so great with them. Though she will never admit that; i saw the love and grace she poured out upon those angels with my own eyes. I will never forget the sacrifices she made for them. She gave up so much to love and raise those babies that should never have left their birth mother in the first place. I hope that someday i can be 1/2 the mother that my mom was to them. I learned a great deal from her! What an amazing woman; i have been blessed! It didnt hit me until about 11:15 after talking to my mom. When i realized i was never going to see my little Jazzy again. I was never going to hear her call my name (Bernie as she would say). I was never going to see Ariel wabble over to me only as fast as a 1 year old can walk. I would never feel her squeeze my neck when i picked her up. And i would never get to listen to Clifford stumble through his books or ask ridiculous questions about things that dont matter or hear him laugh. Its the little things that i am going to miss the most. I have their smiles implanted in my head. I cant get their giggles or voices out of my head. My heart is breaking.

But i wont lose hope. I know that this is the time to be praising GOD for the amazing moments and memories that i will never forget. The experience of a lifetime to watch those kids grow. I should be thanking him for being so merciful to my family and to those kids!

It still doesnt make saying goodbye any easier! Please pray for my family! Pray for the kids.