Control Freak

For those who know me very well, you know that the title of this blog rings very true in my life. For those who don't know me... I am a control freak! I love to plan out each moment of my life... If you doubt me, ask my Husband; he will quickly shatter them! Having this "Problem" during some of the most important times in my life has been beyond a blessing. A great example would be my wedding... I learned that i am a very good wedding planner! After getting married i contemplated becoming the JLO of REAL LIFE wedding planning. Cause lets be real people, that movie is very far from my reality! Seriously though, Brandon and I got engaged on June 18th in front of the Golden Gate Bridge in "Our Love City" San Francisco! Our song is I left my heart in San Francisco, so my romantic man decided to take me there for our 2 year anniversary... Much to my surprise (It was a surprise because he told me just months before that i shouldn't get my hopes up because a proposal would not happen on the trip... I know Horrible!) he popped the question. Anyways, right when we got back the engines on my Wedding Mode brain shot on and in the matter of 1 month we had our Venue, Cake Lady, Florist, Photographer, Preacher and I had found my dress and my bridesmaid dresses! It all got done so fast that the remaining 8 months of our engagement dragged on because we had nothing else to do... For a while that is! I firmly believe that the LORD was watching over us and had his hand in everything we did, however, i will say that i believe he gave me this desire to be in control for a reason. That's the good side. Any other control freaks out there will probably relate the the bad side of the spectrum as well!!! The side where good things get ruined because of my inability to be free and allow GOD to work in HIS timing. That's a big phrase that if I am honest I have never liked to admit. GOD works in HIS timing! Not mine, I cannot be in control when he is. Ouch.  If I am even more honest, taking credit for the planning of my own wedding is also a curse of the control freak status. Because if I am even more honest I would tell you that there was NOTHING in me that could have performed all those tasks alone. I had no idea what I was doing, while i was persistent the LORD directed me to the people that would ultimately run my Wedding and make it as perfect as it was. Not me, not my abilities to control. GOD's ability to extend grace and allow me the wedding of my dreams.

I get weekly wisdom and daily bible verses sent to my email, often times i will constitute that as spending time with Jesus each day. Of course we all know he deserves more. However he has used those on multiple occasions to speak to me or others around me. The inspiration for me admitting more of my faults came in that form this morning. It says"Frustrated? It may be because you're trying to make something happen that only GOD can make happen."

I struggle with control issues. Even when i have seen countless times how GOD can work and perform the miraculous when i back out of the way. In the midst of the things that GOD brings to my attention and the things that are uncomfortable for me to share, i am grateful. He has been the spark to all the beauty in my life. And while I live through my struggles of being in control, he continually reminds me that he still loves me in all my unworthiness and he is patient with me.

I hope your Friday is wonderful, and Free. I intent to live free for today! Praying my control wont overtake me!