3 Months

3 Months ago today we received a very precious gift at our doorstep. My lovely foster brother and sisters. In the past three months we have seen Jazzie turn 2 and steal our hearts by her sassy personality and major attitude :) We have watched as Ariel went from Crawling to walking all over the place to saying her first word (Buh Bye... SO CUTE) and we even got to share her first birthday with her. Now friday we will be celebrating CJ's 7th birthday. Each day has brought its own challenges. Its own frustration and sometimes tears. My family saying we are so grateful for this entire fostering experience to cursing it because of the heartache that is inevitable and that seems to haunt each day. The thought of saying goodbye is bittersweet. I hate to say that i miss our old life because of how incredibly selfish that is... But if I'm honest i do. I miss being able to randomly go out to a movie or stay at a restaurant and talk for 4 hours with my family just because. We cant do a lot of the things we used to because of the new additions. And while the thought of saying goodbye will mean our old life gets to come back, it has been tough trying to wrap my head around never seeing them again. I've been fighting the lies that their futures are basically going down the drain because of the life they are going back to. Satan won't leave me alone. And its pissing me off! Because i know in my heart of hearts that GOD will take care of my brother and sisters. They have been predestined to fulfill a purpose in this life just like i have. They are his children just like i am. And he loves them so unconditionally. He has never left me, and he will never leave them.

So i will proclaim. And anyone reading this please proclaim with me... SATAN CAN SHOVE IT!!! GOD HAS MY FOSTER SIBLINGS IN HIS HANDS AND THEY WILL BE OKAY!

I'll just miss waking up and taking care of my little sisters. Ill miss walking in to get Jazzie in the morning and seeing the excitement on her face that i remembered to come get her out of bed. Ill miss the battle that is brushing her teeth every morning! Ill miss her never ending questions of wheres Emlay (Emily) or where CJ is or wheres Amber or Eneck (Derek). Ill miss being called Bernie. And though it may sound nasty ill miss hearing her scream I DID IT at the top of her lunges when she goes potty on the toilet. She is my little buddy... Thinking of her leaving makes my days seem pretty boring.

And of course Ariel brings much laughter. Her many faces and noises and grunts that you never thought a baby could produce... Boy she really does impress you! She is our curious bug and she looks like Mogley from Jungle Book... Ill miss my mogley!

Even though with CJ we have had the most battles and frustration and heartache, he is the sweetest little boy and he has a heart of Gold! He is so thirsty for love, yet he dishes it out freely! Ill miss his unexpected kindness. One minute he is totally ignoring you and breaking some rule and the next he is running to you giving you a hug and saying "Bwittney i love you forever. All day!"
(He has a major speech impediment... Hints the broken english!)

I love them. And will miss them. But it'll be ok, because the King of Kings is watching over them!
Im a mess. Please pray for me and my family!

365 days!

A year ago today i made a promise to GOD that i would be single for a year! In that particular time in my life i was dealing with heartache from a recent breakup from the first boyfriend i ever had. I was lonely and felt like there were absolutely no answers to why these unfortunate events were occurring right on top of each other. I decided (More like GOD told me to and i listened) that the stress of relationships with boys was a hinderance more than a blessing and i needed some time off. At the beginning i didn't know if i would be able to do it, and i even asked GOD stupid questions like... Well what if my future husband comes along and wants to be with me while i am taking this vow of singleness for a whole year?! Just a side note, i am daily astounded by the amount of Grace GOD gives me each day of my life... especially when i am exceptionally stupid :)

It wasn't until about a month or so ago that the main question i had over this past year was answered. The big "WHY?" To be honest the answer was simple... GOD wanted me to recognize that he is the only relationship i will ever have that will not fail. He is the only one who will always love me and be there for me in every situation. And more than anything, he wanted me to know that no matter what status i have in this world, i am deeply and unconditionally loved. I have heard it said to me before by pastors, small group leaders, even friends... But i wasn't ready to receive it! And to be honest i didn't believe it until now! GOD has allowed me to be receptive to feelings i have never experienced. To see things from different perspectives and to approach relationships in a different way.

I wont ever say that i have learned how to manage and carry out a perfect relationship. Because there aint no way I could ever perform such a high task! :) But GOD has instilled in me a new confidence and reassurance that when he is in control of my heart, the relationships he gives me will prosper. And i believe my future is in such great hands! I feel such peace and comfort knowing that i do not and will not ever have to worry about my future.

GODs got my back :)

Carrie, Billy and a whole lot of FUN!

Trying out a life group tonight. I am pretty excited about it! Praying this goes well :)

Went to Carrie Underwood last night with my (hopefully soon to be sister in law) Amber. We had SO MUCH FUN!!!! :) Billy Currington opened the night and was fantastic :) It was as if i was listening to the radio while looking at an extremely cute scruffy cowboy singing! He's super cute... But 37 (Yes i looked it up) is a little old for me. So anyways, if he is ever in your town i would highly suggest seeing him because he is GREAT!

Then Carrie came out. Her and her classy beautiful self tore that stage apart swinging in swings, rising high on the stage, standing in the bed of a flying blue truck, belting great songs and then belting some more! She was strong and amazing the entire 2 hours! We had an amazing time and i loved it!

Afterwards Amber even bought me a shirt secretly... I told her not to.. and then she ran without me knowing and purchased it! I love her :) And so i have been proudly walking around in my Carrie Underwood Play On tour T-Shirt and cowboy boots!

Also did a diet with my mom and dad... Lost 9 pounds... Feel GREAT! I can fit in the 7 jeans that my mom bought me at Christmas last year for the first time :) So i am wearing those today as well! :)

Ill leave with a quote from Billy... GOD is Great, Beer is Good, and Women are Crazy :)

Blessings <3