3 Months

3 Months ago today we received a very precious gift at our doorstep. My lovely foster brother and sisters. In the past three months we have seen Jazzie turn 2 and steal our hearts by her sassy personality and major attitude :) We have watched as Ariel went from Crawling to walking all over the place to saying her first word (Buh Bye... SO CUTE) and we even got to share her first birthday with her. Now friday we will be celebrating CJ's 7th birthday. Each day has brought its own challenges. Its own frustration and sometimes tears. My family saying we are so grateful for this entire fostering experience to cursing it because of the heartache that is inevitable and that seems to haunt each day. The thought of saying goodbye is bittersweet. I hate to say that i miss our old life because of how incredibly selfish that is... But if I'm honest i do. I miss being able to randomly go out to a movie or stay at a restaurant and talk for 4 hours with my family just because. We cant do a lot of the things we used to because of the new additions. And while the thought of saying goodbye will mean our old life gets to come back, it has been tough trying to wrap my head around never seeing them again. I've been fighting the lies that their futures are basically going down the drain because of the life they are going back to. Satan won't leave me alone. And its pissing me off! Because i know in my heart of hearts that GOD will take care of my brother and sisters. They have been predestined to fulfill a purpose in this life just like i have. They are his children just like i am. And he loves them so unconditionally. He has never left me, and he will never leave them.

So i will proclaim. And anyone reading this please proclaim with me... SATAN CAN SHOVE IT!!! GOD HAS MY FOSTER SIBLINGS IN HIS HANDS AND THEY WILL BE OKAY!

I'll just miss waking up and taking care of my little sisters. Ill miss walking in to get Jazzie in the morning and seeing the excitement on her face that i remembered to come get her out of bed. Ill miss the battle that is brushing her teeth every morning! Ill miss her never ending questions of wheres Emlay (Emily) or where CJ is or wheres Amber or Eneck (Derek). Ill miss being called Bernie. And though it may sound nasty ill miss hearing her scream I DID IT at the top of her lunges when she goes potty on the toilet. She is my little buddy... Thinking of her leaving makes my days seem pretty boring.

And of course Ariel brings much laughter. Her many faces and noises and grunts that you never thought a baby could produce... Boy she really does impress you! She is our curious bug and she looks like Mogley from Jungle Book... Ill miss my mogley!

Even though with CJ we have had the most battles and frustration and heartache, he is the sweetest little boy and he has a heart of Gold! He is so thirsty for love, yet he dishes it out freely! Ill miss his unexpected kindness. One minute he is totally ignoring you and breaking some rule and the next he is running to you giving you a hug and saying "Bwittney i love you forever. All day!"
(He has a major speech impediment... Hints the broken english!)

I love them. And will miss them. But it'll be ok, because the King of Kings is watching over them!
Im a mess. Please pray for me and my family!